Labor and Life

I can't believe it's been so long since I updated. Granted, my life has changed a bit since I last wrote. I'm thankful that Matt has been blogging some :) I figure I'll update gradually so I don't have an entry that's a mile long.

I'll briefly tell you about the delivery. Labor was amazing...yes, it hurt. But, it was amazing. I was in labor for 11 and a half hours and only pushed for 45 minutes. I am still in awe of how God created women's bodies to bring life into this world. I'm also still in awe of the fact that I was able to do it! I wasn't so sure I'd be able to; it’s such a daunting task. It's a scary feeling when the doctor and nurses tell you it's time to push. Just as in other areas of life, God somehow prepared me for the moment. What a gift to be able to work with God in creation.

Life after labor has been equally amazing and stressful :) I'll say that Charlotte is seriously the most amazing baby. She doesn't cry much and she sleeps like a rockstar. Overall, she’s an easy baby. However, we've had trouble in one area- FEEDING. I've wanted to breastfeed from the beginning, and was excited to do so. She latched RIGHT away, and was a great eater from day one (go figure!). After her 1st doctor's appointment they were worried because she dropped too much weight. Subsequent weigh-ins showed that she was gaining at too slow of a rate. Our doctor asked us to start supplementing with formula. This helped a little with her weight gain, but not enough. He then asked me to see a lactation consultant. It was here that we discovered that I'm hardly producing any milk at all. This has broken my heart. They’ve put me on herbal supplements and a regimented feeding and pumping schedule. However, I’m still producing less than an ounce a day. We are now feeding her a bottle at every feeding as well as breastfeeding her with the hopes that my milk production will improve. I also have mastitis so it’s important for me to feed until this passes (I know, the perfect storm). I’m hoping that my production will improve, but have prepared myself to call it quits.

Those of you who know me well understand that it’s unusual for me to share so openly about personal struggles; but, I know there are readers who can offer words of wisdom and encouragement :) I’m now starting to have peace of mind about bottle feeding. I know that not breastfeeding doesn’t make me a bad mother. I think it’s just the disappointment of things not going the way I had planned on and even dreamed of. I suppose this is something I should get used to! I just have to remember that it isn’t about me and what I want---it’s about my sweet Charlotte and doing what’s best for her! This certainly makes all of the feeding stress easier to digest :)